From Self-Deprecation to Self-Love: How To Break The Cycle Of Negativity Towards Oneself
We have all done it at least once. A joke towards ourselves that is humorous, even at our own expense. Occasional self-deprecation can be harmless and even funny, but when it becomes more chronic or frequent, it can impact one’s mental health. Self-deprecation, or when individuals undervalue or belittle themselves, can have negative effects on how one views themselves. But what is self-deprecation, why does it happen, what are the impacts, and how do we change the habit? We will explore the answers to these questions.
What Is Self-Deprecation?
As mentioned above, self-deprecation is when an individual constantly undermines their worth, value, and capabilities. This materializes in many forms such as negative self-talk (“I’m not good enough!”), downplaying their achievements and attributing their successes to luck, frequently making harmful jokes at their own expense, and avoiding opportunities of advancement due to their lack of confidence. Self-deprecation can seem harmless or funny at the surface, but it often times goes much deeper than skin-level.
Why Does Self-Deprecation Occur?
The cycle of self-deprecation starts off small and, for some, from an early age. As time goes on, the cycle can be difficult to break, and individuals often find themselves thinking and speaking self-depreciating thoughts without a second thought. Often self-deprecation stems from a few different factors:
Perfectionism: Perfectionists set incredibly high (and often times, unrealistic) standards for themselves and their work. When they do not meet their high expectations, they often feel inadequate and unworthy.
Low or Negative Self-Esteem: Those with low and/or negative self-esteem struggle to see their value and potential, which can lead to them putting themselves down.
Societal Influences: Pressure from society and one’s culture can impact how an individual views themselves. If they “go against the grain,” they may feel out of place, leading to insecurity.
Mental Health Struggles: Anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues can lead to the amplification of negative thoughts.
Past History: Whether it is a history of being bullied, criticized, or other negative experiences, one’s past can lead to painful self-critical thoughts.
What Are The Impacts Of Self-Deprecation?
Self-deprecation can have multiple negative effects on one’s life. It can lead to mental health struggles such as heightened anxiety and depression. It can also have an impact on an individual’s career and personal growth by causing them to miss opportunities or doubt their abilities to succeed. Not only can self-deprecation impact an individual, but it can also impact their relationships with family, friends, and potential partners. Many outsiders who do not suffer from self-deprecation can feel frustrated and helpless because they do not know how to support their loved one.
How Do I Change The Cycle?
Breaking the cycle of self-deprecation is difficult and can not be fixed overnight. However, there are a few steps you can take to change the cycle and go on a journey towards self-love.
Have Self-Compassion: Give yourself grace! Be kind and treat yourself with the same kindness you would give to a friend or loved one. Recognize your achievements and celebrate them!
Challenge Negative Thoughts: We all have negative thoughts from time to time, but when you recognize yourself having self-depreciating thoughts, stop and challenge yourself. 99% of the time, these thoughts are not going to be rational!
Find Support: Talking to a therapist, counselor, friend, or loved one can help immensely. It is easier to let emotions and thoughts out versus holding them inside and the support gained after speaking with someone can offer valuable insights and a new perspective.
Become (Realistically) Goal Oriented: Becoming less of a perfectionist does not happen in a day. Start by setting smaller, but more realistic goals and expectations. The confidence gained from achieving these goals will help to foster a sense of accomplishment and happiness.
Write It Out: Keeping journals or logs of self-depreciating thoughts or behaviors can help individuals track patterns and triggers in an effort to eventually find self-love.
Self-deprecation can be a difficult cycle to break, but by understanding the causes and effects of these thoughts, an individual can work towards self-love and a better sense of worth. Your strengths will create real change in the world.
Remember, you are worth it, and you are talented in so many different ways!
