You are not alone. - Tony Washington
My name is Tony Washington and I work in hospital administration. When I was in high school, I was never known as just Tony Washington. It was always “Oh you mean Tony Washington, who ran track?” or “Fast Tony?” I was identified by this sport and it stuck with me.
On February 13, 2000, my brother Timothy Washington was murdered here in Jacksonville. I was on my way to college at this time and as a high school athlete, I was getting college offers. This terrible situation ended up hurting me in ways you would never think about. As I was a recruited athlete, colleges were very interested in my background. When my brother was murdered, it was associated with me and I lost scholarship offers. That’s when the alcohol came in.
Instead of eating, drinking, and doing basic things, alcohol came in and that became a coping mechanism, which didn’t make the situation better. One night I was drinking and ended up just driving depressed, sad, and crying. I hit a point where I didn’t want to be here anymore. It was a moment of loneliness and it just hit a rock bottom point. I vividly remember crying a lot and calling a lot of people. As it was very late at night, nobody picked up. I was in a dark place I had never been. Having a concealed weapons license, I took my gun out of my holster, put it to my head, and pulled the trigger.
Three hours later, I woke back up. The sun was rising and it was getting bright outside. My friend found me in my car, and that’s when they said two things: “you need help” and “why didn’t your gun go off?” I’m honestly only sitting here because the firing pin in the gun was bad.
I made an appointment with my primary care doctor and told them what was going on. I got a referral and went to my first session, which was difficult and very uncomfortable at first. I didn’t know this person and they’re asking me all of these personal questions about something that I hid for years. The more I opened up, however, the better I felt.
It was more about just addressing your truth and letting it out, letting people know how you’re feeling. But also providing resources to you, so you know what to do when you’re feeling that way. A lot of people don’t know that if you’re in a crisis and you’re feeling suicidal or going to harm yourself, just like if you broke your arm, you can check yourself into a hospital. There you can get an evaluation on the spot and they’ll admit you.
I can say a lot of people, especially in the African American community, think that hospitals are only for injuries. But mental health is an injury too. It may not look like a broken arm or something of that nature, but it is an injury. If you’re feeling like you’re at your last point, go to the hospital and check yourself in.
If you or anyone you know is suffering from a mental health crisis and feeling suicidal, please text “LIFE” to 741741. Understand that you’re not alone and that it’s ok to reach out.
