“I love you, no matter what.” - Kelly Cooney

Kelly Cooney discusses his relationship with his family after they discovered he was gay and the resulting alcoholism in this Story From the Heart.

My name is Kelly Cooney and I am a Facilities Manager. I grew up in a small town on a farm, where there was no stop light and I went to school with 50 other kids. I was adopted with two younger siblings and my upbringing was good.

It was when I was thirteen that I noticed that other kids my age were starting to wear makeup and date. I started to realize that I didn’t relate as well to them, that I’d rather be out riding four-wheelers than wearing purses. I knew something was different, I just didn’t know what.

When I turned 21, I walked into my first gay bar and felt like I was home. People looked like me, dressed like me, and acted like me. I felt like I had found my place. Nobody from my family knew and when they asked me, they said “Are you or aren’t you?” and I said, “Yes, I am.” I had gotten them a book and asked them to read it, and they said they’d only read it next to the bible. My family told me I should go talk to a priest, as that’s what they were going to do. 

I felt a lot of resentment, and sadness toward them. I had wanted them to say “I love you, no matter what.” I wasn’t ready for them to ask and felt like I had gotten thrown out of the closet that day. After we had that discussion, I turned to alcohol to help ease that pain and numb my feelings. I didn’t want to think about my resentment towards my family, and it hurt our family for years. 

Eventually, it got to the point where I had to seek out help. I stopped drinking and learned to start dealing with my feelings. For me, I had to learn healthy behaviors, work through those feelings with a therapist, and work with resources that helped me keep a healthy mind and focused on the positive things. 

My relationship with my family is amazing. Everybody has come around and been accepting and understanding. It took years to get there, but we did, and now it feels like it’s been that way forever.