Our Founding Journey
On August 12, 2017, our family suffered a tragic loss…
and as a mom, I lost a piece of my heart and my soul that I will never recover after my oldest son, Alex, died.
While the deep-rooted grief remains embedded within my family and me, my journey following our loss and Alex’s struggle with mental health have changed me forever. Part of my path to healing is telling his story and mine. If you commit to reading his story, sharing it, sharing your own, helping raise money and awareness, and understanding that THIS story belongs to a lot of people, you can help me make a change to break down the stigma of mental health. Our journey together will help give hope to others and help me give life to his memory and meaning to his life.
Watching a loved one suffer from mental illness is one of the most frustrating, angering, and helpless experiences. The fact that it is often done in secret makes the struggle nearly impossible. Although my husband and I did everything we could to provide Alex with support and connect him to medical providers, his care was never consistent, and I made mistakes, spending time wanting to shake my son “out of it,” telling him to “buck up” and reinforcing negative messages in a desperate attempt to change anything. I know there are so many parents, siblings, friends, and loved ones out there feeling the same sense of frustration and hopelessness. A tragedy changed me, and I’m hoping by reading this story, it will change you too.
This is a picture of Alex, taken when he was around five years old.
It captures the very essence of who he was – his smirk, his eyes, and his calm, sweet nature. He was so sweet that a dragonfly landed on his nose! And over the years I have been showered with dragonfly sightings on airport floors, lamps in bars, garden pictures, visits on a golf course and even emblems hanging in an uber. And every time we see a dragonfly, we remember Alex and remember our mission. Alex was brilliant and funny and quirky. A brown-eyed, blond-haired boy who loved engines and the outdoors. He carried that love throughout his life – camping, fishing, hiking and riding motorcycles. He seemed to have it all. But Alex struggled with anxiety and depression and in his junior year in college, we started seeing more and more of his disease and less and less of our son. Watching the disease take over and watching our son blame himself for his inability to make it go away was devastating. What I didn’t know then was that this disease, stigmatized by society, would eventually steal my son forever.
I was often asked after he died if I had any regrets.
The answer is no.
Like many people looking for answers to cure their loved ones of disease, I had hopes, dreams, and wishes that we would have had more time to find the “cure” or a successful way to manage his disease. Time was not my friend, although I did everything I could to love, encourage, support, and find help for my son. I could no more have cured his brain disease than cured him of cancer. And he no more have willed it away. And my grief is no less than if he died of a more socially acceptable disease. What I’ve learned is that there is a stigma on mental illness and those who struggle from it. That there are families, like mine, burdened by the struggle who are suffering in silence and shame. That while we, as a society, throw our arms around those battling cancer by empathizing with a moving picture of a person going through chemotherapy or dependent upon oxygen, we do not feel the same empathy for those suffering from mental illness. And we are shocked when we learn of people who succumb to its deadly grasp. In the past years, we have added celebrities to the list of people who have lost their battle – Robin Williams, Kate Spade, and Anthony Bourdain.
And there are so many others like Alex out there. The theme is the same. We are surprised because we never knew. We never knew because we don’t know how to talk about it. We don’t talk about it because we are ashamed. By not talking about it, we feed the frustration. Let’s make a change together! Look at Alex’s picture! This is the face of brain disease. He spent years battling its grip and it took away his opportunities, and hopes and dreams. I joined a club of grieving parents where, regardless of how we lost our child, our grief is profound and endless. It is time we stopped admiring the problem and transform our belief system about mental illness. It is time for a transformation. It is time to stop the needless loss of life. It is time to stop believing that mental illness is a personal choice. Mental illness is a debilitating disease and not a shameful personal failure. And when we are distracted by the symptoms that manifest themselves as behaviors that make us uncomfortable, we forget to see the world with our hearts, our minds and not just our eyes.
Dragonflies have many meanings.
They are a symbol of change and have deep, spiritual meanings rooted in life and death.
It just happens that this special creature chose to land on the nose of my son many years ago. I choose to believe that every time I see a dragonfly, I see a piece of Alex that will live on forever. It is a reminder of the innocence of his life and that his story can lead to change and hopes and dreams that don’t have to end for someone else.
The fact is that 1 in 5 Americans suffer from mental health issues. Two of those five suffer from undiagnosed brain disorders. And the majority of those suffering do so in silence because there is a stigma that is embarrassing, or there is a notion that the person suffering should be able to will it away. Or worse, there aren’t the resources, knowledge, or support to find and provide the help that is needed. I want this story, Alex’s story, my story, to make a change.
Timeline
“Alex’s Dragonfly Coalition – now known as Hearts 4 Minds, was formed.”
“Meeting with Baptist to discuss the implementation of a Dragonfly Care Coordinator for young adult mental health, a position intended to change the mental healthcare ecosystem by wrapping both the patient and their family support group in the system of care.
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“Inaugural Hearts 4 Minds motorcycle ride with Adamec Harley Davidson.”
“First Dragonfly Care Coordinator hired at Baptist.”
“River City United Foundation holds a golf tournament to support H4M.”
“Finalized City of Jacksonville legislation granting Hearts 4 Minds $200,000 over 3 years to oversee a mental health awareness campaign.”
“Completion and unveiling of the first mental health awareness mural at the Jumbo Shrimp baseball stadium – mural includes a QR code that takes people to our website with information about mental illness and connections to resources in Jacksonville and a 24/7 crisis text line.”
“The H4M endowment – Alex’s Dragonfly Endowment for Young Adult Mental Health at Baptist reaches $1.5 million and funds a care coordinator for life. Endowment made possible through a matching grant offer in December 2020 of $750,000 from the Moran Foundation.”
“Awarded a grant from the CDC through the FL DOH and OD2A for a mural awareness program related to substance abuse recovery and mental health awareness.”
“Conducted a middle school assembly for 450 middle school students at River City Science Academy on Beach Boulevard, culminating in a mural in their cafeteria.”
“Held a Coaches Forum with the Jacksonville Jaguars to educate coaches throughout our community of the importance of mental health and provide tools and information to support coaches and their athletes.”
“Two more sets of murals, assemblies, and teacher workshops are scheduled for August 2022 and September 2022 for additional River City Science Academy locations.”
No family should lose a loved one because they didn’t have the resources to help them.
We created Hearts 4 Minds to provide the help and resources necessary for those living with mental illness to live regular lives.
Join us in breaking down the stigma, raising awareness, and making a change in the lives of many.